http://www.drawahouse.com/houses/show.asp?houseID=305875&houseHash=603488889d59419e3b785b310f9dff91

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. son.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.



hey one and all,
sudden urge to write a few words.
i think its a sunday thingy that i always have all these weird feelings and mixed up mindsets that i can neve configure myself.


the week things i think have been easin up for me, taking things into my stride with greater and a more optimistic mindset. this weekend has gone fine for me too for once, although it wasnt very good but it wasnt too bad either.


anyway, it was all of a sudden that this thought came to my mind.
does time play a part in friendships?
is there a first come first serve basis that we have to follow in friendships?
or is based on a "loyalty points" scheme? like one will get first priority if they known you longer?
there are times when i feel that maybe if friends may have got to know one another earlier, there might be a possibilty thats friendship now wouldnt be so superficial?
ha i personally am a victim of such, i often have to feel i would have to "queue" for a slot to meet up with a friend.
but for friends whom have known earlier would need not to do so, all they need is just a word of mouth then they get scheduled for their choice slot in the busy schedule even if that slot is taken up they get slotted in and the one who got it first would get CANCELLED off..

i often feel like a loser as i often get treated this way, sometimes i feel unfair as i have never or would never treat my friends this way. but must i suffer under this ideology when i do not even do it myself? or is this due to the logic that the world isnt fair?

maybe im such a loser i dont know taking yesterday as a perfect example.
i was scheduled to meet a fren at 6pm yesterday it was scheduled days ahead as the usual loner me was worried that i would have to spend my weekends alone thus had to make "appointments" earlier.
ok this was what happened my friend( not the singular tense) told me that he was going to be a little late. but the little turned out to be an hour.
imagine waiting at the mrt station reading through a BASIC THEORY BOOK all over once through, seeing friends meet up with smiles on theirs faces liek they havent met for years was really saddening for me. all i could do was wait there silently, i didnt dare to complain or be angry, as i was afraid that i would in turn have to spend that weekend alone.
i thought then was why must i be such a loser and wait for a friend who didnt even bother bout your presence?
i felt awful then was it because i am such a loser that maybe you thought, i have no one to hang out with that it was my DUTY that if i wanted to go out with you had to pay a "price" for it? which was my duty to wait..
i dunno..
all i knew was that when you arrived nv did i hear a word of apology, or feel apologetic. perhaps i was right.
it was my DUTY.
all u could say was was i angry? and stupid stuff like that. but what could i say?
sigh.
its tough to find a true friend.

am i really that detestable, that no one wants to have any form of connection with? all the "friends" that i have around would all be like acquaintances, that when the time is up.
all im left with is a BYE, or would there even be one?
perhaps, its true maybe all friends from the army would always be "HI, BYE" ones.
sigh. i dunnno.

is a true friend that difficult to find? one who could share the pain and joy with? at the end of the day, would i die friendless with a whole load of hopes?

somethings i can never say it verbally, times when i try to treat you like a true great friend, the response i get in return never turns out to be the way its supposed to be. i can never understand. at times i feel damn dumb. all the sacrifices i make, is it worth the sacrifice? all i get in return are just empty promises.

no matter wad, you would always be the friend that i ever respected so greatly and has had such an impact on me. thanks my friend. no matter i may be a "HI,BYE" friend as you see, i would always view you as the BESTEST friend i have HAD as yet or that i have respected as much.

although i dunno if u would even read this.

to me,
its the quality of time we have spent and not the quantity..



this an entry of totally confused feelings which i can never clarify or straighten it out myself.
now although im supposed to be in the prime of my life,
there are times i wonder whats prime to me?
in the past i used to think it being in this phase of my life,
was supposed to be the most havoc time,
where i have tons of activites and heaps of frens to hang out with.
however in recent days im beginning to take step back and reconsider my mindset.

activities,
im beginning to feel such a loner which i had never felt like ever in my life.
i dont know what made me feel this way or become this way,
but i know i dont want to become this way either.
things that my frens of my age group do now no longer interests me.
i dont know whats going wrong and i cant change to be what i want to be.
whats holding me back? am i falling under pressure from society?
who can save me from this deep hole...

frens,
it used to be an important part of my life and still is till now, frens played an important role im the growing days of my life. as a young child, i seldom confided in anyone whenever i had problems, not even my parents, whenever i was trouble or in need of help, i know i had to face it all by myself... maybe it was just me, or the environment that i was brought up in that has made me become this way. everytime, i knew that all i had was myself.

perhaps because of this and when i was in school i was usually the youngest, i would feel severly helpless and lost. but it was in the later years primary school that changed my perception,
in the later years of my primary days, i had this great bunch of fren whom would always be there to back me up when i was down and out. although there were limits which they could help me but their help gave me a great pull whenever i needed it..

however now as i begin to grow older im beginning to lose this commaraderie feel which i had once among frens, is it because of societal change that has made people into what they are today? or is it that i cant change and become like what everyone else is. so much that at times when i finally would like to share the problems i have with somebody, i do not know how to open the dumb mouth of mine and voice out, and when i finally muster enough courage to do so, i cant find anyone that i can really share with. is there soemone who i can fall back on when i need help? is so called frens becoming like just acquaintances that just shares their compliments when you bump into one another, and dont give a hoot after we are done with one another? what happened to the me where i once thought i had everything in the world? when can i return to the prime i was once? would anyone realise one day when im gone from this cruel and mean world?

sometimes i continue lying to myself, that maybe this was a test set by God and things will be fine after this? but i think im beginning to fail this test badly and im crumbling under it... how do i save myself from this shit? who can help me? is there an angel coming to help me?

im no longer the SO happy self i once was. although i may appear the HAPPY self i am, but on the inside im NOT at all happy... maybe its tiemfor me to take a step back away from this too fast world and rethink what do i really want in life, and try to salvage this situation.

im bleeding.
save me...

HI.BYE.IM GOING.GONE...