it appeared once again today.

but it just seemed so distant and vague, i was scared...
i didnt dare to go anywhere near. perhaps a look would be have been fine but today all i could do was watch from afar.

how i wished i could have froze that moment and saved it in my memory and played it back whenever i needed it, but i cant. i really wished there would be a repeat telecast of it or even a new episode that is ready to air soon, im ready to star in it.

i was in self contemplation, not knowing whether what i was doing was right or wrong but i just wanted too badly. hopefully someday i would be able to fufil my wish and i know GOD will be there helpin me out, perhaps he already did today but i didnt cherish what he gave me. I'll work harder the next time hopefully then i'll be able to muster enough courage to be brave enough to take anything that comes my way.

i'll be a BRAVE boy now.

for now, i'll jsut have to wait patiently to see what comes my way. and hopefully my patience will pay off someday.

the clock's ticking. will the time come someday?



sigh its been a while, been really lazy to do anything about it till today.
been feeling really lousy these couple of days but i can never phrase it out here.
i can never express myself well enough. doubt anyone realises too.

why?

i always thought i could get whatever i wanted, so long i tried hard enough, but this time i've put in all tt i could but i can never thing of the perfect approach or the correct method of doing things. i've waited long enough but apparently nothings churning out of it. everytime i see it in front of me, i get completely lost, i dunnno what to do or how to react.
WHAT DO I EXACTLY WANT?!
i think all i want is to be happy but i doubt i'll ever be.

im a difficult one.

ppl say u have to fight for your own happiness, im doing all i can. but it takes two hands to clap n im swinging my palms like mad but i dont even hear a sound out of it. how long more can i last in this challenging world? im like swimming in a dark pool with a glimmer of hope on the surface im swimming as hard as i can to reach it,but its just seems to be drifting away from me everytime i get a little closer to it. im tired neither do i want to give up.
WHAT DO I EXACTLY WANT?!

been running these days hopefully using the pain i feel physically to numb the pain im goin through in me. everytime i feel like giving up, i know if i give up so easily, its the end of everything. i'll never be able to do anything i've strived out to achieve anymore. but this time, i dont think what i want can or would ever take place, but im still clingin onto it. is it persistance or simply just ignorant? anyhow i'll rather play dumb and keep onto clinging onto it, stubborn u may say but its not what anyone can understand what im goin through.

im a tough one.

at most times i appear happy on the outside but deep in me i know its just a facade. i can never tell anyone how i feel cos no one would understand what im goin through, its tough but its better for me to live all of it myself then havin the ppl around me feel bad n sorry. dont worry i'll be fine. i tell ppl to be happy and stuff but i can never do what i preach myself. what irony. anwyay lifes too short to be upset anyway. live it for yourself. im not planning to go on too long on it too.

actually i know theres this one person who understands me best. he gives me the strength everytime i feel lost and directionless. GOD. i can always find solitude when i confide in him. but at times i really dunno if hes listening ir anythign is done.
Pls GOD grant me this one wish, i'll do anything for it. you know it.

i just want to be happy.

i may seem childish and immature. im sure you wont understand. im filling up to the brim not knowin when i may explode. im controlling myself, till then before i lose it. But will i be missed then?

please dont feel sad for me. hopefully i'll be much happier then.

I MISS YOU. when will u return?
will you happier when its all over?
i'll be waiting.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust.


-HOME-

Another summer day
Another winter day, has gone by
In either Paris or Rome...
and I wanna to go home
...Home
and I m surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone
I wanna go home
I miss you

And I ve been keeping all the letters
that I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two
I m fine baby, how are you?
I would send them but I know that it s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another summer day, another winter day, has gone by
In either Paris or Rome...
and I wanna to go home
...Home
and I m surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone...
I wanna go home

Let me go home

It s been a thrill
but I ve had my fill
let me go home

And I feel just like I m living
someone else s life
It s like I just stepped outside
and everything was going right
And I know just why you couldn t come along with me
This was not your dream
but you always believed in me...

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
in either Paris or Rome
and I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I m surrounded by
A million people I
still feel alone
I wanna go home
Let me go home

But it ll all be alright,
I m coming home
Tonight...